


Mario's Day In Court (as a lawyer)

by BugReadsFic



Category: Super Mario & Related Fandoms
Genre: Don't Take This Too Seriously, Drug Use, Gen, I Don't Even Know, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, In more ways than one, Kinda, Mild Blood, Mild Language, Minor Violence, Peach upholding her totalitarian rule over the mushroom kingdom, Rich Daisy, and the damages of drug addiction and the road to recovery, based off of an improv RP, drugs used/mentioned is weed, other things include
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-13
Updated: 2018-02-13
Packaged: 2019-03-17 15:18:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,133
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13661718
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BugReadsFic/pseuds/BugReadsFic
Summary: Join Toad, Wario, & Waluigi on their trial for smoking weed (which is SUPER ILLEGAL in the Mushroom KingdomTM)





	Mario's Day In Court (as a lawyer)

**Author's Note:**

> This was all based on a game of Mario UNO that me, a friend, and my brother played. We used the characters on the card to RP as we played the game and this was the result. I took some liberties with the story direction though, it ended much sadder in our game and I personally hate sad endings. So I made things a bit more hopeful. Also, if this needs a warning tag that I missed, please comment on what it is. 
> 
> Alternate title: MARIO UNO RP

Toad is smoking weed in his Toad House TM , when Wario calls him up to join in and get some of that dank kush TM . Waluigi, his boyfriend of 10 years, is with him and decides “why not” and joins Wario to get some of that SUPER ILLEGAL weed. (In the Mushroom Kingdom TM , weed is SUPER ILLEGAL because it undermines the recreational drug industry, spearheaded by different types of shrooms.)

However, Princess Peach - supreme ruler of the Mushroom Kingdom TM , overhears their phone conversation via wiretapping (because she’s the princess, duh). Upset by their use of the weed, Princess Peach brings the trio to court to  confess their sins pay for their crimes against the Mushroom Kingdom TM . 

In the courtroom, the defendants (weed trio: Toad, Wario, and Waluigi) are defended by Bowser - fresh in his snazzy lawyer suit. Representing the Mushroom Kingdom is Mario (and Luigi, who decided to tag along because “why not”). Mario opens up with a statement about the crime the defendants have committed - smoking weed is SUPER ILLEGAL in the kingdom and they were all caught partaking in this dangerous and harmful CRIME. Mario provides further proof of the weed partaking with a recording of the phone conversation Princess Peach wiretapped into. 

The Judge - Donkey Kong - seems to agree with Mario, but withholds his opinions. He looks towards the Jury to gauge their reaction. While Donkey Kong observes the Jury, Mario provides even more evidence by trying out the weed confiscated from the defenders. Mario demonstrates how damaging the weed is by becoming high. In doing so, he starts to ramble on about (redacted nonsense). Princess Peach, embarrassed by his display, fires Mario from being the kingdom’s lawer and moves Luigi to be the lawyer instead. Luigi - mortified - turns to Rich Daisy in the audience to help, but not before partaking in continuing mario’s evidence that the weed is bad; by smoking it himself.

Daisy uses her Rich Princess Powers to re-hire Mario as the main lawyer, saving Luigi from the pressure. However, Luigi became so high from smoking weed, he passes out and falls to the floor, knocking his head on the STRONG courtroom floor. At this point, Mario is rambling nonsensically and nobody in the courtroom can understand him. Daisy uses this to her advantage and becomes the Shadow Lawyer for the Mushroom Kingdom TM , feeding information to Mario about the case. 

One of the Jurors, Diddy Kong, looks to Donkey Kong. Before the trial, Donkey Kong bribed Diddy with a Golden _Oooohhh B A N A N A_ _TM_ to have the defendants be found guilty. However, it looks like Diddy won’t need to do much convincing to the Jury with Mario’s evidence… or will he? 

Meanwhile at the defendants’ table, the three weed boys were very high to varying degrees. Waluigi was high, but was also horrendously worried about what the outcome of this trial might be. He’s visibly shaking in his seat, worry lines marking his expression. In contrast, Wario is much too high to even speak, sitting there with a glazed doughnut look on his face. This is probably for the best though, as a talking Wario would have made this trial end quicker with an undeniable conviction of Guilty. Toad, similar but WORSE than Waluigi, is on the verge of tears. His dependence on weed to ignore the chokehold of Peach’s ironclad rule of the Mushroom Kingdom TM has gotten out of hand, and now he has to pay the price. Toad wishes Wario never called him in the first place. 

It is at this point that Bowser finally decides to speak up and provide a counterargument to Mario’s evidence. 

“Excuse me, but Princess Peach (my light, heart, and soul) was wiretapping phones?!?! That’s super illegal and shady!?!?” 

Bowser knows what’s up about Princess Peach’s illicit hobbies after spending so much time with her (admittingly his fault most of the time, you know, kidnapping her against her will). It’s at this time that Bowser looks to the jury to bring his point home… literally. Surprise! The rest of the Jury are the Koopalings (Bowser’s gremlin kids). Of course, they’re gonna side with Bowser due to him bribing them with whatever kids want these days. 

 

Before Daisy can provide Mario with any counter arguments to Bowser’s statement, she gets knocked unconscious by an unknown force (called the author’s shit memory for forgetting who). However, unlike Luigi, she’s not dying. 

Slowly, as the trial continues, Mario is starting to come off his high. He slowly raises his finger and points gently to the Jury. 

“Hey, why is the Jury only made up of kids?” he says in his Charles Italian accent. Mario’s question causes the current Jury to magically become void, and someone must replace them. Luigi, unconscious and bleeding from the head, becomes the new Jury. The kids are slightly uncomfortable when they place the body in the booth, but they deal with it because they’ve seen a lot worse and just want this trial to be over so they can go home and play the videogame. 

One of the Koopa Kids - Roy since he’s the best - uses Luigi’s unconsciousness to Bowser’s advantage. When Donkey Kong asks the Jury if they’ve reached a verdict, Roy puppets Luigi (in a terrible Charles Italian accent) “NOT GUILTY”. 

The courtroom is silent, nobody knows what the hecking is happening, but everyone is glad it’s all ogre now. 

\-----------------------

Mario, now significantly less high than before, realises Luigi needs to be rushed to the hospital. There’s a lot of blood in the courtroom now from how long he’s been untreated. As everyone casually and slowly leaves, Mario carries Luigi and jumps his way to the giant medical facility three blocks away. He rushes into the emergency room with Luigi in his arms (head and legs dangling as Luigi is way taller than Mario). There, some Piranha Plants in nurse outfits carry Luigi to the ICU, while Buzzy Beetle the receptionist tries to assure Mario that his brother will be okay. 

Several hours later, the head Piranha Plant doctor surgeon comes out of the ICU and tells Mario about Luigi’s status. 

“Mister Mario Superstar Saga Galaxy Sunshine 64 the Second, Luigi is gonna be alright. He just needs some rest and more blood transfusions. He’s in room 369 if you want to check on him. Have a nice day bleh bleh.” The doctor digs into the ground and rumbles away. 

Mario rushes to Luigi’s hospital room and sees him peacefully sleeping on the bed. He goes and sits in a chair-sofa next to the bed and hunches over. In his light blue airy feeling hospital room, Mario thinks about his life and how it got to this point. He took on this lawyer job for some extra money and for what? The money is now going to Luigi’s hospital bills - which is HIS fault, not Luigi’s. Mario sighs, and just as he begins to think about when it all went wrong, the door opens and in walks Goomba. 

“Hey Mario, I heard what happened to Luigi and thought I’d come in and see how he’s doing. Bowser’s on vacation right now and he let most of us underlings have the day off.” Mario nods as Goomba waddles his way to Luigi’s bed and hops up on the nightstand on the opposite side of Mario. Things are a little tense, with Goomba’s status as one of Bowser’s underlings, but he’s not so bad off the clock so Mario trusts him not to hurt Luigi.

Goomba speaks gently from atop the nightstand, “Now I know what you’re thinking Mario, and this ain't your fault. Luigi knew smoking that weed was dangerous, but he did it anyway to help your case. Be proud of him for pulling through and glad that all he suffered was blood loss and a concussion. I know y’all have been through worse, and y’all will only come out stronger because of it”. 

Mario tears up a little at Goomba’s comforting words and thanks him. Things will be okay.

\-----------------------

After the trial, Waluigi rushes out of the building and heads straight to his apartment, not even stopping to see or talk to Wario. He goes inside and heads straight to his bed to absorb the day’s events. Waluigi looks around at his fairly modest yet nice home and steels his resolve. He calls Wario - who answers and is able to speak now. 

Waluigi releases his frustrations, his worries at his boyfriend. Tired of getting roped up in Wario’s hunt for treasure, drugs, money, and trouble - Waluigi breaks up with him. He knows he could have made a better choice about taking that weed, but this was a long time coming. In the 17 years they’ve known each other, Waluigi has made strides to become a better person in and out of sports, while Wario has stayed the same. Wario’s constant cheating in sports tournaments, crimes, and inability to remember important facts about Waluigi himself built up to this breakup. Waluigi says goodbye on the phone and hangs up before Wario can get any word in. Perhaps now, Waluigi can focus on his career as a professional sports player. He feels lighter. 

On the other side of the phone, Wario is shocked at Waluigi’s long rant and passionately angry speech. He is saddened, but not surprised. Wario knows he’s wronged Waluigi, the two having first met in their debut tennis tournament and have been inseparable in the sports scene since. Wario pauses in his reminiscing. He steels himself and resolves to become a better person. Not just for Waluigi, but also for the few friends he’s made in his life (and have stuck by him). After all, Waluigi did it and he’s become a high profile sports player (not the best, but he’s getting there). Why couldn’t Wario do it too? And who knows, maybe after learning how not to be a complete dickbag, Waluigi and him could become friends again (and maybe more…?) 

\-----------------------

Traumatized by the events from the trial, Toad had to be admitted into a psychiatric facility. He stays for a while, learning how to deal with the trauma of being a citizen of the Mushroom Kingdom TM and deal with it with methods other than weed consumption. With his treatment, Toad learns how to live without weed in his life, and has a newfound knowledge in painting. He may not be the best at it, but Toad finds the art relaxing and fun, and believes that as he gets better at it, so will his mind and state of being. 

\----------------------- 

Stressed out from the trial, Bowser takes his kids on a vacation to the Delfino Islands. Normally, there’d be some sort of “catch” to taking a vacation, but nope - not this time. Bowser intends on having a legitimate break from the Mushroom Kingdom TM ‘s madness. The koopalings, confused by the legitimacy of this vacation, decide to just roll with it and have fun - this kind of thing rarely happens with their dad and they want to make the most of it. The Royal Koopa family have a good time on their tropical vacation. 

\-----------------------

After the trial, after somehow waking up perfectly fine, Rich Daisy realizes how FUCKED UP the Mushroom Kingdom TM is and stays away from future events like the one she was just at. She still attends sports events and parties to maintain favor with the kingdom, but doesn’t interject in any politics anymore, unless it specifically deals with her kingdom. Daisy is tired and has enough on her plate. 

\-----------------------

With this little hiccup in her life over, Princess Peach continues her totalitarian dictator regime over the Mushroom Kingdom TM . Nobody but other rulers from neighboring kingdoms (Daisy and Bowser) can stop her, yet Daisy is staying out of her business now, and Bowser is too hopelessly in love with Princess Peach to upset her. Smiling from her room at the top of her castle, Princess Peach picks up a phone and begins a new wiretapping session. 

\-----------------------

After the trial, Donkey Kong keeps his promise of a Golden _Oooohhh B A N A N A_ _TM_ to Diddy Kong, who really appreciated Donkey Kong keeping the promise despite him getting kicked off of the Jury. They have a good lunch rich in bananas and go over the files for Donkey Kong’s next trial hearing. 

\-----------------------

Yoshi somehow avoided this entire mess and returns to the home he and Mario share, after a short trip away at his cousin Boshi’s place. Yet, when he arrived the home was empty, as Mario was still in the hospital for Luigi. With no food in the house, Yoshi says “yoshi…” (translated: fuck this…) and heads over to Yoshi Island TM for some food. 

The End

**Author's Note:**

> time for me to yeet on out


End file.
